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Oct. 1st, 2004 06:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elvenpirateladySUCCESS!
I've been toying with the idea of getting a livejournal for a while. And now I finally did it. Life is good.
The Black Parody lives! See below. Apologies in advance for all the scrolling.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Chapter Seven: Not yet named (Nyn for short)
NORRINGTON: Right, lads, let’s kill the evil pirates!
(IN THE DISTANCE)
BARBOSSA: Just evil? We’re more than just evil!
RAGETTI: Yeah, we win the General Knowledge at the Annual Evil Forces Convention every year!
PINTEL: Yeah, but that’s only because Gary did his Masters Degree on the history of the Eurovision.
NORRINGTON: Eurovision… eurgh, talk about evil…
EVERYONE ELSE: DON’T KNOCK THE EUROVISION!
NORRINGTON: Okay then! Jeez, somebody had to do it…
GILLETTE: I’m ashamed of you, Norrington. What happened to camp feeling? What happened to Village People?
NORRINGTON: *looks ashamed*
BARBOSSA: *shakes head sadly* Shameful, the state of music these days.
PINTEL: Really? I personally never get tired of Thriller. *Hums tune*
BARBOSSA: *Sternly* Pintel, we have a deal, remember? You don’t play Michael Jackson, we don’t kill you.
PINTEL: *Sulkily* You let Ragetti sing.
RAGETTI: That’s because I can actually sing. *Begins to hum tune of We Will Rock You*
BARBOSSA: Gah! Don’t even get started on that.
NORRINGTON: Ahem.
BARBOSSA: Oh, sorry. Where were we?
NORRINGTON: Explaining why you’re not just evil.
BARBOSSA: Right, so we were. We’re more than just evil!
RAGETTI: Yeah, we win the General Knowledge at the Annual Evil Forces Convention every year!
PINTEL: Yeah, but that’s only because Gary did his Masters Degree on the history of the Eurovision.
NORRINGTON: Look, you said all of that stuff before.
BARBOSSA: We did?
NORRINGTON: If this is a joke, it’s not very funny.
BARBOSSA: No, no, it’s not… You see, we all suffer from short-term memory loss.
NORRINGTON: Short term memory loss.
BARBOSSA: Yes, all of the other pirate crews get it… well, at least I think they do… hmm, where are those guys?
NORRINGTON: You need help. Really.
PINTEL: We’re more than just evil!
RAGETTI: We also came second in the Annual Evil Forces Fashion Awards.
GILLETTE: Only second?
PINTEL: We lost to some weird group calling themselves the Storm Troopers.
RAGETTI: (mutters to self) I told them, I did, I told them pink was the way to go, but did they listen? Nooo…
NORRINGTON: (to Gillette) Does Jack suffer from short-term memory loss?
GILLETTE: Of course not.
(In the distance there is a cry of “I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!”)
GILLETTE: You see?
NORRINGTON: No comment.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
WILL: I think it’s time for a rest, Hammy, I’ve got to go rescue Jack from prison now. Gee, I hope they’re not inflicting any horrible forms of torture on him or anything…
IN THE PRISON:
JACK: This is the most horrible form of torture I’ve ever experienced.
MULLROY: Oh, quit whining, you still own Mayfair.
JACK: “Own”? I’ve got three mortgages out already and I’m in prison again!
MURTOGG: How poetic.
JACK: What?
MURTOGG: Well, you’ve gone to prison in the game while you’re in prison in real life.
JACK: You can’t go to prison when you’re already in prison. It’s not possible.
MULLROY: Well, technically you could, if you did something bad while you were in prison.
MURTOGG: Er, that’s not quite what I meant…
JACK: But then where would they send you? They couldn’t send you back to prison because you’d just do something bad again.
MULLROY: Well, they could send you to a different prison.
MURTOGG: Guys, I don’t think you quite understood—
JACK: But there’s usually only one prison in each town.
MULLROY: Maybe they’d send you to a prison in another town.
JACK: They wouldn’t go to all that trouble, would they?
MURTOGG: Um, guys—
JACK: And what if your town was the only town for miles and miles?
MULLROY: There are a lot of towns around here.
MURTOGG: Guys—
JACK: But in a hypothetical situation, say your town was on a remote island and you did something bad in prison, what would they do?
MULLROY: They’d probably hang you.
JACK: What? You can’t hang somebody just because they were in prison!
MULLROY: Ah, but if they went to prison and were hung there…
JACK: They'd be dead.
MURTOGG: Guys—
MULLROY: Well, if you were dead and you went to prison…
JACK: But that’s not the issue here, is it? The issue is whether you can go to prison if you’re already in prison.
MULLROY: I suppose it would be possible if you went to prison and killed somebody in there, then they’d probably hang you in the prison…
JACK: Well, I’m very glad the Monopoly rules aren’t actually like this…
MURTOGG: Look, it’s Ralph the Wonder Llama!
JACK AND MULLROY: Ooh! Where?
MURTOGG: Now that I finally have your attention, may I point out the hippogriff that has just torn off a large part of the roof with its sharp, pointy claws?
HARRY: We’ve come to save you, Sirius!
HERMIONE: No, Harry, Buckbeak and I have come to save Sirius. You’re just here for the fangirls.
JACK: Harry Potter has fangirls? I mean, Draco I could understand because he’s pretty and angsts a lot, but Harry?
HARRY: Hey, I can angst too!
MULLROY: No, you can only talk in capital letters.
HARRY: *Gasp* How did you learn my secret?
MURTOGG: We read book five. You’re so going down, man.
HARRY: Noooooooo!
HERMIONE: Oh, now he’s going to attempt to angst even more. Thanks a lot.
MULLROY: Sorry, but somebody had to tell him.
HARRY: It was the movies! Those damnable movies brought me down… so if I get every copy of the movies and burn them all, the world will love me again! Oh Harry, you’re a genius! Mwahahaha!
*Pause*
JACK: Er… I think you want the cell next door…
HERMIONE: Come on, Harry. *Harry chuckles evilly and they leave*
MULLROY: Freaky kids…
JACK: Yeah. So… this prison question, would they send you back to prison if you’d done something bad just as you were being released from prison?
MULLROY: Well, it would depend on how far they’d got to releasing you. If they hadn’t taken the chains off, then…
JACK: But you wouldn’t be able to do anything while you were still chained up, would you? So they would’ve unchained you before you did the bad thing…
MURTOGG: Save meeee… *starts banging head against the wall*
SEVERAL HOURS LATER:
MULLROY: So we’re agreed that if someone goes to prison and do something bad during their stay in prison—
JACK: Excluding graffiti.
MULLROY: Excluding graffiti, and they then—
JACK: And arson.
MULLROY: Look, we never agreed to exclude arson from the offences list.
JACK: But it gets really cold in prison and people need something to do.
MULLROY: All right, excluding arson as well. And if they then do something bad before they’ve been hung but after they’ve been released…
JACK: Then they’re hung in prison.
MULLROY: Agreed. *Pause*. Murtogg, have you been headbutting the wall or something? You’ve got a massive bruise on your head.
MURTOGG: Huh? Oh, it’s fine.
JACK: Are you sure? It’s really big and it’s all purple.
MURTOGG: It’s fine, really.
MULLROY: You’re sure you don’t want some ice or something? It’s really quite large.
MURTOGG: No, it’s fine, it doesn’t hurt at all.
JACK: And there’s this red part right in the middle…
MURTOGG: Where?
JACK: Right there. *Points*
MURTOGG: Ow, don’t poke me!
JACK: You asked where it was!
MURTOGG: That doesn’t mean you had to poke me!
DOOR: Ha! Watch my cameo of someone breaking me down!
*Door is broken down, enter Koehler and Twigg stage right*
TWIGG: This ain’t the armoury.
JACK: This isn’t the armoury.
KOEHLER: Wait a minute, I know that grammatically correct voice… Jack! Darling!
JACK: Koehler! Twigg! Sweeties!
*Air kisses all round*
TWIGG: You’re looking after yourself, darling, I just love the beard!
JACK: And you two are looking just fabulous! Where did you get those gorgeous clothes?
KOEHLER: Here, have one of the business cards. *hands the card to Jack through the moonlight*
JACK: EW! Haven’t you guys heard of something called moisturiser?
TWIGG: Well, if that’s how you feel, we’ll go.
KOEHLER: We know when we’re not wanted. Byeeee! *They leave*
JACK: Such laziness, they can’t have cleansed for weeks… *shudder*
MURTOGG: Bloody pirates.
AUDIENCE: Queer Eye for the Straight Guy’s going to love you…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
WILL: *Hums Mission Impossible theme and drills a hole through the wall* Jack, I’ve come to rescue you!
MURTOGG: Well, do you have it?
MULLROY: No. Go Fish.
JACK: Thanks, Will, but this isn’t a good time…
WILL: It’s never a good time.
JACK: Look, I’m sorry, but I’m really busy right now…
WILL: Fine! I’ll come back later!
JACK: Yeah, in about two hours would be good.
WILL: *seethe* The things I do for you… *leaves*
JACK: Bye! Such a nice kid…
MURTOGG: You shouldn’t use him like that, you know.
MULLROY: Yeah, one day he’ll work out what you’re doing and he’ll probably go be friends with Norrington.
JACK: Heaven forbid! Okay, I’ll be nice to him when he comes back.
MURTOGG: And I must say he looks mighty fine in all that black leather.
WILL FANGIRLS: OH GOD, YES!
AUDIENCE: SHUT UP!
MULLROY: You’re so lucky to have such a good-looking friend to look at, Jack.
JACK: Yes. And if I ever get tired of looking at Will—
WILL FANGIRLS: NEVER!
AUDIENCE: SHUT UP!
JACK: I can just look in a mirror, for I am also most extremely good looking, if I do say so myself.
JACK FANGIRLS: HELL YES!
AUDIENCE: SHUT UP!
MURTOGG: You two would make such a cute couple.
JACK: Oh, you too.
*Loooong silence*
MULLROY: I think we should stop having this conversation.
JACK AND MURTOGG: Agreed.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The website is acting strange, so Nyn is living here for a while. Adios.
I've been toying with the idea of getting a livejournal for a while. And now I finally did it. Life is good.
The Black Parody lives! See below. Apologies in advance for all the scrolling.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Chapter Seven: Not yet named (Nyn for short)
NORRINGTON: Right, lads, let’s kill the evil pirates!
(IN THE DISTANCE)
BARBOSSA: Just evil? We’re more than just evil!
RAGETTI: Yeah, we win the General Knowledge at the Annual Evil Forces Convention every year!
PINTEL: Yeah, but that’s only because Gary did his Masters Degree on the history of the Eurovision.
NORRINGTON: Eurovision… eurgh, talk about evil…
EVERYONE ELSE: DON’T KNOCK THE EUROVISION!
NORRINGTON: Okay then! Jeez, somebody had to do it…
GILLETTE: I’m ashamed of you, Norrington. What happened to camp feeling? What happened to Village People?
NORRINGTON: *looks ashamed*
BARBOSSA: *shakes head sadly* Shameful, the state of music these days.
PINTEL: Really? I personally never get tired of Thriller. *Hums tune*
BARBOSSA: *Sternly* Pintel, we have a deal, remember? You don’t play Michael Jackson, we don’t kill you.
PINTEL: *Sulkily* You let Ragetti sing.
RAGETTI: That’s because I can actually sing. *Begins to hum tune of We Will Rock You*
BARBOSSA: Gah! Don’t even get started on that.
NORRINGTON: Ahem.
BARBOSSA: Oh, sorry. Where were we?
NORRINGTON: Explaining why you’re not just evil.
BARBOSSA: Right, so we were. We’re more than just evil!
RAGETTI: Yeah, we win the General Knowledge at the Annual Evil Forces Convention every year!
PINTEL: Yeah, but that’s only because Gary did his Masters Degree on the history of the Eurovision.
NORRINGTON: Look, you said all of that stuff before.
BARBOSSA: We did?
NORRINGTON: If this is a joke, it’s not very funny.
BARBOSSA: No, no, it’s not… You see, we all suffer from short-term memory loss.
NORRINGTON: Short term memory loss.
BARBOSSA: Yes, all of the other pirate crews get it… well, at least I think they do… hmm, where are those guys?
NORRINGTON: You need help. Really.
PINTEL: We’re more than just evil!
RAGETTI: We also came second in the Annual Evil Forces Fashion Awards.
GILLETTE: Only second?
PINTEL: We lost to some weird group calling themselves the Storm Troopers.
RAGETTI: (mutters to self) I told them, I did, I told them pink was the way to go, but did they listen? Nooo…
NORRINGTON: (to Gillette) Does Jack suffer from short-term memory loss?
GILLETTE: Of course not.
(In the distance there is a cry of “I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!”)
GILLETTE: You see?
NORRINGTON: No comment.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
WILL: I think it’s time for a rest, Hammy, I’ve got to go rescue Jack from prison now. Gee, I hope they’re not inflicting any horrible forms of torture on him or anything…
IN THE PRISON:
JACK: This is the most horrible form of torture I’ve ever experienced.
MULLROY: Oh, quit whining, you still own Mayfair.
JACK: “Own”? I’ve got three mortgages out already and I’m in prison again!
MURTOGG: How poetic.
JACK: What?
MURTOGG: Well, you’ve gone to prison in the game while you’re in prison in real life.
JACK: You can’t go to prison when you’re already in prison. It’s not possible.
MULLROY: Well, technically you could, if you did something bad while you were in prison.
MURTOGG: Er, that’s not quite what I meant…
JACK: But then where would they send you? They couldn’t send you back to prison because you’d just do something bad again.
MULLROY: Well, they could send you to a different prison.
MURTOGG: Guys, I don’t think you quite understood—
JACK: But there’s usually only one prison in each town.
MULLROY: Maybe they’d send you to a prison in another town.
JACK: They wouldn’t go to all that trouble, would they?
MURTOGG: Um, guys—
JACK: And what if your town was the only town for miles and miles?
MULLROY: There are a lot of towns around here.
MURTOGG: Guys—
JACK: But in a hypothetical situation, say your town was on a remote island and you did something bad in prison, what would they do?
MULLROY: They’d probably hang you.
JACK: What? You can’t hang somebody just because they were in prison!
MULLROY: Ah, but if they went to prison and were hung there…
JACK: They'd be dead.
MURTOGG: Guys—
MULLROY: Well, if you were dead and you went to prison…
JACK: But that’s not the issue here, is it? The issue is whether you can go to prison if you’re already in prison.
MULLROY: I suppose it would be possible if you went to prison and killed somebody in there, then they’d probably hang you in the prison…
JACK: Well, I’m very glad the Monopoly rules aren’t actually like this…
MURTOGG: Look, it’s Ralph the Wonder Llama!
JACK AND MULLROY: Ooh! Where?
MURTOGG: Now that I finally have your attention, may I point out the hippogriff that has just torn off a large part of the roof with its sharp, pointy claws?
HARRY: We’ve come to save you, Sirius!
HERMIONE: No, Harry, Buckbeak and I have come to save Sirius. You’re just here for the fangirls.
JACK: Harry Potter has fangirls? I mean, Draco I could understand because he’s pretty and angsts a lot, but Harry?
HARRY: Hey, I can angst too!
MULLROY: No, you can only talk in capital letters.
HARRY: *Gasp* How did you learn my secret?
MURTOGG: We read book five. You’re so going down, man.
HARRY: Noooooooo!
HERMIONE: Oh, now he’s going to attempt to angst even more. Thanks a lot.
MULLROY: Sorry, but somebody had to tell him.
HARRY: It was the movies! Those damnable movies brought me down… so if I get every copy of the movies and burn them all, the world will love me again! Oh Harry, you’re a genius! Mwahahaha!
*Pause*
JACK: Er… I think you want the cell next door…
HERMIONE: Come on, Harry. *Harry chuckles evilly and they leave*
MULLROY: Freaky kids…
JACK: Yeah. So… this prison question, would they send you back to prison if you’d done something bad just as you were being released from prison?
MULLROY: Well, it would depend on how far they’d got to releasing you. If they hadn’t taken the chains off, then…
JACK: But you wouldn’t be able to do anything while you were still chained up, would you? So they would’ve unchained you before you did the bad thing…
MURTOGG: Save meeee… *starts banging head against the wall*
SEVERAL HOURS LATER:
MULLROY: So we’re agreed that if someone goes to prison and do something bad during their stay in prison—
JACK: Excluding graffiti.
MULLROY: Excluding graffiti, and they then—
JACK: And arson.
MULLROY: Look, we never agreed to exclude arson from the offences list.
JACK: But it gets really cold in prison and people need something to do.
MULLROY: All right, excluding arson as well. And if they then do something bad before they’ve been hung but after they’ve been released…
JACK: Then they’re hung in prison.
MULLROY: Agreed. *Pause*. Murtogg, have you been headbutting the wall or something? You’ve got a massive bruise on your head.
MURTOGG: Huh? Oh, it’s fine.
JACK: Are you sure? It’s really big and it’s all purple.
MURTOGG: It’s fine, really.
MULLROY: You’re sure you don’t want some ice or something? It’s really quite large.
MURTOGG: No, it’s fine, it doesn’t hurt at all.
JACK: And there’s this red part right in the middle…
MURTOGG: Where?
JACK: Right there. *Points*
MURTOGG: Ow, don’t poke me!
JACK: You asked where it was!
MURTOGG: That doesn’t mean you had to poke me!
DOOR: Ha! Watch my cameo of someone breaking me down!
*Door is broken down, enter Koehler and Twigg stage right*
TWIGG: This ain’t the armoury.
JACK: This isn’t the armoury.
KOEHLER: Wait a minute, I know that grammatically correct voice… Jack! Darling!
JACK: Koehler! Twigg! Sweeties!
*Air kisses all round*
TWIGG: You’re looking after yourself, darling, I just love the beard!
JACK: And you two are looking just fabulous! Where did you get those gorgeous clothes?
KOEHLER: Here, have one of the business cards. *hands the card to Jack through the moonlight*
JACK: EW! Haven’t you guys heard of something called moisturiser?
TWIGG: Well, if that’s how you feel, we’ll go.
KOEHLER: We know when we’re not wanted. Byeeee! *They leave*
JACK: Such laziness, they can’t have cleansed for weeks… *shudder*
MURTOGG: Bloody pirates.
AUDIENCE: Queer Eye for the Straight Guy’s going to love you…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
WILL: *Hums Mission Impossible theme and drills a hole through the wall* Jack, I’ve come to rescue you!
MURTOGG: Well, do you have it?
MULLROY: No. Go Fish.
JACK: Thanks, Will, but this isn’t a good time…
WILL: It’s never a good time.
JACK: Look, I’m sorry, but I’m really busy right now…
WILL: Fine! I’ll come back later!
JACK: Yeah, in about two hours would be good.
WILL: *seethe* The things I do for you… *leaves*
JACK: Bye! Such a nice kid…
MURTOGG: You shouldn’t use him like that, you know.
MULLROY: Yeah, one day he’ll work out what you’re doing and he’ll probably go be friends with Norrington.
JACK: Heaven forbid! Okay, I’ll be nice to him when he comes back.
MURTOGG: And I must say he looks mighty fine in all that black leather.
WILL FANGIRLS: OH GOD, YES!
AUDIENCE: SHUT UP!
MULLROY: You’re so lucky to have such a good-looking friend to look at, Jack.
JACK: Yes. And if I ever get tired of looking at Will—
WILL FANGIRLS: NEVER!
AUDIENCE: SHUT UP!
JACK: I can just look in a mirror, for I am also most extremely good looking, if I do say so myself.
JACK FANGIRLS: HELL YES!
AUDIENCE: SHUT UP!
MURTOGG: You two would make such a cute couple.
JACK: Oh, you too.
*Loooong silence*
MULLROY: I think we should stop having this conversation.
JACK AND MURTOGG: Agreed.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The website is acting strange, so Nyn is living here for a while. Adios.
Woohoo!!!
Date: 2004-10-06 10:20 am (UTC)