[personal profile] elvenpiratelady
I offered to write [livejournal.com profile] minviendha more of this, and ended up doing nothing that she requested.

Title: Growing Up Finwean - The Movie Night
Fandom: The Silmarillion, in our cracky pocket universe
Warnings: A lot of swearing and some references to drug use
Summary: In which a bad reaction leads to an overreaction.
Notes: Celegorm's point of view this time, hence the swearing. Once again names are switching left right and centre. So:
Celegorm - Cleeg, Tyelkormo
Maedhros - Mae, Maitimo
Aredhel - Ar, Irisse
Caranthir - Cara, Karnistir
Galadriel - Gal, Artanis

Cleeg’s leaning against the front door as he wrestles his keys apart from his headphones when it gets yanked away from him, and he topples sideways. Luckily, Mae breaks his fall. Unluckily, Mae’s shoulder breaks his fall and gets him square on the chin. ‘What the fuck, man?’ Cleeg snaps, ‘you don’t pull the door out on a brother when he’s–’ and the rant keeps going on in his head but his mouth developed the ability to slam whenever he saw their parents give him a certain look, and Mae is doing a good job of channelling Mum when he’s done something worse than usual. Like, a really good job. ‘What?’ he says out loud instead.

Get inside,’ Mae hisses – shit, he hasn’t hissed for a long time now – and Cleeg edges past him as Mae slams the door shut. Cleeg decides, personally, that Ar and Cara can run the risk of making Mae open the door again instead of him telling Mae to leave it open. He can only take so much risk at a time, come on. ‘Lounge room,’ Mae hisses, and he obediently starts off down the hall. If the TiVo has been set to tape porn and WWF instead of Fin’s Martha Stewart shit or whatever then that is not Cleeg’s fault, he only mentioned it to Cara and that was only because Fin keeps turning off Mass Effect before he can save it. If Fin is getting The Barebreasted Porntessa instead of whatever that cooking show is, he can deal with it through playing non-stop piano sonatas or whatever.

Instead, it’s far, far worse than that.

Fin’s sitting on the couch holding the controller for the Wii – is this what Mae’s so pissed about? Fin could use a bit of shooting ugly aliens and sexing up blue lady aliens, it’s not like it’s going to give him brain damage or anything – but Gal’s sitting next to him and her face and her voice are in calm healer-mode, but everything else is angry. Even her hair is shining at him aggressively. ‘Look, Fingon, here’s Celegorm,’ she says sweetly, and Fin turns to look at him.

‘I hope you’re fucking happy,’ Mae hisses behind him, and it’s only because he’s standing in the doorway that Cleeg doesn’t bolt out to the car again, because Fin is smiling. Like, really, spaced-out smiling, and he’s never seen that look on people with less than five special brownies in their guts. ‘Shit,’ he says, and Fin doesn’t even react. Holy fucking shit.

‘Well,’ says Mae, ‘do you have anything to say for yourself?’

‘He’s off his face,’ Cleeg says, which is obvious but needs saying, because when else will he get to say that? ‘How much did you give him?’

We did not give him anything!’ Mae explodes. Shit, he’s not fronting on the angry thing, and Fin doesn’t react to that either. Shit.

Gal comes up to join them. ‘I found him like that,’ she says, quietly and with you are a fucking, thoughtless idiot underlying every word. ‘He’s been like this for an hour, at least. How much did you give him, for fuck’s sake?’

‘I didn’t give him any, if he’s sneaking some from my stash then he’s–’ Mae looks like he’s about to tackle him, so Cleeg decides to sideline that argument for another time. ‘I don’t get like that for a while, but for him?’ He shrugs. ‘Could be just smelling them, you know what he’s like with drinking... okay, fine–’ as Gal starts looking very hard at his throat, ‘One, two? Maybe? He’ll come down in a couple of hours or whatever.’

‘And what if he’d decided to drive somewhere before it wore off?’ Mae roars, ‘Or turned the stove on, or used the blender, or tried to clean something? He could have died from drinking bleach or setting himself on fire because you can’t keep your fucking drugs hidden properly, you stupid fuck!’

‘That’s his fault for stealing–’ Cleeg starts, and Mae looks like he might actually try to kill him. He can hear voices as Cara and Ar finally get the front door unlocked, and Mae stalks away to be angry at them. Gal grabs Cleeg’s arm and finds the pressure points, ow. ‘Sit on the couch and make sure he doesn’t hurt himself,’ she says, and follows Mae.

So that leaves Cleeg in the room with a stoned Fin, who is gently turning the Wii remote over and over in his hands. Cleeg edges over and sits on the couch arm. ‘Stay cool, dude,’ he says, and then, when Fin keeps turning the remote back and forth, ‘Hey, Fin, you’re okay, right?’

Fin looks at him and smiles gently. ‘Hello, Tyelkormo,’ he says, and that is creepy in all kinds of ways because dude, only Mum still calls him Tyelkormo, and also he is sure he has never heard Fin sound that calm, not even after that three-week yoga camp. ‘Um, hey,’ he says.

‘I heard the sun shouting,’ Fin says. ‘Is everything all right in the sky?’

‘Sure,’ Cleeg says, and when Fin looks confused, ‘The sun’s fine now, he’s not shouting at me any more.’ The sun is probably shouting and hissing at Ar and Cara instead right now, but that’s not his problem.

‘I hope the sun isn’t angry,’ Fin says, looking thoughtful, ‘Otherwise he will melt the moon.’

‘He will?’

‘Of course he will,’ Fin says, sounding more like himself. ‘You haven’t been paying attention in lessons again, Tyelkormo,’ – yes, it’s definitely wearing off, he can tell Mae to stop freaking out about his boyfriend – ‘the moon is made of cheese, and every month the tree in the sky grows a cheesefruit and lets it fall, and that is the moon. But then the mouse that lives in the sky nibbles at the moon until it is all gone, and the tree must grow another cheesefruit to make the moon.’

Or not.

‘It’s terrible,’ Fingon says, and starts crying.

‘Whoa, hey, it’s okay,’ Cleeg says, patting him on the shoulder, ‘man, Fin, don’t cry? Don’t cry loudly, man, cry silent emo tears that Mae can’t hear, come on, it’s okay–’

‘It’s not okay!’ Fin wails. ‘The tree in the sky needs fertiliser! Otherwise it won’t grow any more moons and the mouse will starve, and what will happen then, Tyelkormo?’

‘Um, circle of life?’ Cleeg tries, and Fin throws his head back and wails even louder.

‘Well done, Tyelko,’ Mae snaps as he walks into the lounge room again. Cara and Ar follow him, looking apologetic, although Cara glares at him and mutters ‘I told you not to hide it with the porn’ but come on, it’s not like Fin would ever look closely at his porn? Right? Please let that be right, he can’t deal with Fin getting stoned and discovering sex in one night.

Fin abruptly stops yelling. ‘Maitimo!’ he says brightly, and pops up from the couch. ‘And Artanis, Karnistir, Irisse! You’re all here, you’re all finally here!’ and then he bounces over and full on hugs Mae, serious invading-personal-space-hugging, and Mae pats him on the back, looking hilariously awkward. And then Gal and Cara get full-body hugs too, and even if Mae kills him for this Cleeg is going to laugh at Cara’s face until the end of time. ‘Irisse, you have such pretty hair,’ he hears Fin say as he hugs Ar. ‘Why can’t I have hair that colour?’

‘You do, dearest,’ Ar says, sounding a little upset.

‘Of course!’ Fin says happily.

‘Okay, so he’s not dying or anything, can we go?’ Cleeg says to Mae, not that he’s going to listen to any answer that isn’t ‘yes and make sure you eat all of your stash in case Fin finds it again’.

‘Absolutely not,’ says Mae, ‘you and Moryo were the ones who couldn’t keep your drugs stored away properly, so you two can look after Fingon until he recovers.’

Cleeg starts to say ‘fuck off, I’m not a fucking nanny’ (look, there’s a reason Kurvo doesn’t ask him to babysit his kid) at the same time as Cara says ‘wherever he got it, it wasn’t from our stash; it’s his fault for taking other people’s weed anyway’ and Mae looks about to explode again when Fin says happily, ‘And now that everyone is here, we can start!’

‘Start what, dear?’ Gal says kindly after a really awkward couple of seconds.

‘Our Pokemon marathon, of course!’ Fin says, and Cleeg is so relieved that he didn’t say orgy or satanic ritual or yoga that he doesn’t catch on for a second. ‘Wait, what?’

‘Tyelkormo!’ Fin says, ‘I forgot to give you a hug!’ and clamps onto him before he can do anything to stop him, and seriously, he’s like a fucking barnacle and his arm is cutting off Cleeg’s air, and worse, he can see Cara laughing at him as he tries to pry Fin off.

‘Oh, that sounds nice, but I’ve got a date with a bottle of tequila any time now,’ Ar starts, and Mae rubs his face and says ‘Fingon, I’m glad you’re feeling better, but I’ve got so much work to do–’

No.’ Fingon says, cutting them both off. ‘Pokemon, hot chocolate, marshmallows, pyjamas. You promised.’

‘Mmphm,’ says Cleeg, which he hopes registers as if you told Fin you’d have a sleepover then that’s your thing, but I have better things to do (like your sister, Fin), and Mae looks like he’s going to protest further but then Gal says, ‘All right, Fin, I’ll get the hot chocolate ready.’

‘And marshmallows!’ Fin reminds her.

‘And marshmallows, of course,’ she agrees. ‘The rest of you, go and find your pyjamas.’

‘Artanis, I don’t have time–’ Mae begins.

‘You’ve spent far too much time working lately, Maitimo,’ Gal says briskly. ‘You could do with a night off. And you three,’ her gesture takes in Ar, Cara and Cleeg, ‘This is the least you can do.’

Fin finally lets go of Cleeg. ‘Bring your pillows and blankets, everyone!’ he shouts cheerfully, and Cleeg, in between taking very gentle breaths, tries to remember if he actually has any pyjamas.

It turns out not be such a bad night. Not that anyone is ever going to know about this.


For possibly the first and only time in their lives, Cleeg is awake before Fin the morning after. They finished up around two, three, in the morning? Anyway, apparently Fin’s the sort to go comatose when they come off their high, so it’s a good thing he wasn’t at that stage when Mae and Gal found him. Fin finally wanders into the kitchen while Cleeg is playing Mass Effect. ‘My goodness,’ he says, and it’s a relief, strangely enough, to hear him at his normal prissy self, ‘what time is it?’

‘Ten-eleven-ish,’ says Cleeg. He’s not paying much attention because hey, ugly aliens and blue lady aliens aren’t going to kill/sex up themselves, so he nearly drops the remote when he looks up and Fin’s standing right next to him. ‘Dude, don’t ninja your way up to me like that!’

‘Is that cocoa powder on the carpet?’ Fin says, peering at the floor.

‘Oh, um, yeah,’ – everyone agreed, once they put Fin to bed, that he’s better off not knowing about this little incident – ‘I made hot chocolate last night and it spilt, sorry, dude, my bad.’ He’s terrible at lying convincingly but Fin merely sighs irritably. ‘Don’t forget to vacuum in here before you tread it into the carpet,’ he says crossly, and goes back to the kitchen.

‘Hey, dude, you’re feeling okay, right?’ Cleeg says.

Fin pauses and looks at him strangely. ‘I feel fine,’ he says. ‘Thankyou for asking. Everyone’s been so concerned about me today, but I assure you, I’m fine. Better than fine, really, I slept very well. I thought my cold medicine might interfere.’

‘Okay, chillax – hang on, your what medicine?’ Cleeg demands.

‘I have a slight cold,’ says Fin with a pointed sniff, ‘and I found that my echinacea pills weren’t working, so I was forced to resort to pharmaceutical products.’ He looks somewhat disgusted. ‘I only began taking them yesterday.’

‘Oh sweet holy fuck,’ Cleeg says very quietly.

‘Why do you ask?’ says Fingon. ‘Are you feeling sick too? I can heartily recommend echinacea; I am only using pharmaceutical products as a last resort because the companies that make them are certainly not as stringent about their methods as the organic businesses...’

Okay. Okay. Apart from bringing this up to guilt Mae about being a terrible brother for all eternity, Fin’s apparently discovered a cheap and definitely legal way to get high. No more food poisoning from old hash brownies. No more cutting up perfectly good porn mags to hide things in.

‘No man, I’m fine,’ Cleeg says, and grins to himself as he goes back to his game.

Date: 2011-05-27 11:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] calenlily.livejournal.com
LOLOLOL this is amazing. Such delicious crack.

Date: 2011-05-29 10:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] elvenpiratelady.livejournal.com
It is possibly the crackiest Silm crack I will ever write, but I do like playing with these horribly butchered Silm characters.

crack is awesome :D

Date: 2011-05-31 05:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sargent-snarky.livejournal.com
It still makes me triple-take to see Fingon as he is in GWF, because the Fingon in my head is anything but, and so it takes me at least, like, five paragraphs to adjust. :|

But heee. xD The night with the pajamas and cocoa and all that makes me gleeful to imagine, especially that no one is going to speak of it ever again. And I love Celegorm's thoughts and all that. :3 He's so fun to read perspective from. <3

Re: crack is awesome :D

Date: 2011-05-31 09:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] elvenpiratelady.livejournal.com
I am glad you enjoyed it! And I do not pretend that GUF!Fingon has any canon basis whatsoever, the entire GUF-verse evolved out of minviendha and I having a lot of very silly Silm-related conversations.

GUF!Celegorm is fun to write, he's very simple and likes simple things like alcohol and sex and shooting aliens. I had far more trouble writing from Fingon's POV last time because he wants to be as informed about things as possible.



May 2012


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